Facing unsolicted opinions as a new mother
There's one crucial general rule of thumb while visiting new mothers which is refraining yourself from giving "unsolicited opinions"! We, as a human, are accustomed to providing opinions all the times, but sometimes we have to step back and keep our train of thoughts to ourselves. The postpartum period is a stage where new mothers are vulnerable the most. Unsolicited opinions often leave them highly doubting everything they do for their child.
But then, where you draw the line between reliable feedback and unsolicited opinion?
There's some clue that you can lookout.
The opinion is not medically sound!
People kept telling me to give my baby solid food when she was only four months old. Besides that, I was also advised to give her water. As someone who was exclusively breastfeeding her at the time, I find it to be absurd and annoyed even after I numerously explained that we have to wait at least till the baby is six months old and she has everything that she needs in breastmilk.
Advising by comparing to others!
Each of us is unique and comes with our own set of strength and weakness. It's not right to compare someone who is inexperience (in this case, a new mother) to someone who has been a mother for years and more importantly, each child is different. For example, feeding your baby with egg yolk is fine, but some other kids might develop allergies to the same food. It's pure insanity to insist that egg yolk is suitable for every child. And at the end of the day, you are the mother, and only you know what is best for your child.
The intention of those opinions.
Along the way, you will be able to steer clear and realize that some advice are not meant in the spirit of love and more of feeding their egos. If they started to criticize your every movement, then you can be sure that this person is trying to make a point that they can do a better job than you. There's a clear difference between constructive feedback and criticism. That's where you draw the line and politely say NO to other people's expectations.
So how to deal with them?
The best way to deal with unsolicited opinions is by answering with facts. Maybe you can say something like "according to the journal by so and so, this is the right way of doing things". The way you respond also depends on the relationship you have with them. If the person is close and great importance to you and your family, maybe you may want to try a softer approach. You can say "I'll think about it" or "Perhaps, next time" without totally shutting down on them. But this might backfire as they often follow up the next day to check if you have taken in their advice.
All I can say is don't take it personally. Don't let negativity to rule your life. Don't let doubts sink your confidence. You are already doing a great job as a mother. Always remember that!
Soon, the opinions will fade off in time once they realize that their views don't weigh in and they will move on to bother others with their ever-popular unsolicited ideas.
But then, where you draw the line between reliable feedback and unsolicited opinion?
There's some clue that you can lookout.
The opinion is not medically sound!
People kept telling me to give my baby solid food when she was only four months old. Besides that, I was also advised to give her water. As someone who was exclusively breastfeeding her at the time, I find it to be absurd and annoyed even after I numerously explained that we have to wait at least till the baby is six months old and she has everything that she needs in breastmilk.
Advising by comparing to others!
Each of us is unique and comes with our own set of strength and weakness. It's not right to compare someone who is inexperience (in this case, a new mother) to someone who has been a mother for years and more importantly, each child is different. For example, feeding your baby with egg yolk is fine, but some other kids might develop allergies to the same food. It's pure insanity to insist that egg yolk is suitable for every child. And at the end of the day, you are the mother, and only you know what is best for your child.
The intention of those opinions.
Along the way, you will be able to steer clear and realize that some advice are not meant in the spirit of love and more of feeding their egos. If they started to criticize your every movement, then you can be sure that this person is trying to make a point that they can do a better job than you. There's a clear difference between constructive feedback and criticism. That's where you draw the line and politely say NO to other people's expectations.
So how to deal with them?
The best way to deal with unsolicited opinions is by answering with facts. Maybe you can say something like "according to the journal by so and so, this is the right way of doing things". The way you respond also depends on the relationship you have with them. If the person is close and great importance to you and your family, maybe you may want to try a softer approach. You can say "I'll think about it" or "Perhaps, next time" without totally shutting down on them. But this might backfire as they often follow up the next day to check if you have taken in their advice.
All I can say is don't take it personally. Don't let negativity to rule your life. Don't let doubts sink your confidence. You are already doing a great job as a mother. Always remember that!
Soon, the opinions will fade off in time once they realize that their views don't weigh in and they will move on to bother others with their ever-popular unsolicited ideas.
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